Posted by: ME | September 7, 2015



My favorite verse that has gotten me through our own personal hells here on this earth…

Romans 12;12
Let your art keep you JOYFUL
Be PATIENT in your troubles
PRAY at all times

I really struggle through September every year and the fact that we are reminded every year anyway, makes it worse in some ways, better in others. Ashton was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia on September 15, 2000. September 11th happened when she was on chemo. Paul’s dad died on the 11th and was buried on the 15th of 2004. We buried my dad in September 2013. For some crazy reason, every September, Ashton has bad allergies that turn into infection and has us running to the doctor after long stretches of avoidance. Including this past week. And of course they all do labs, making sure it is not “something else”. I hate that constant elephant in the room at each and every doctor we have been to.

Amazingly, the exact type of leukemia that my girl had has about a 95% cure rate now. Doesn’t that sound great?! Yeah, it does sound better than the odds when Ashton had it which was 80%. Which I thought totally sucked. You get told, “oh, your child has a higher chance of getting hit by a car” and “this is the type of cancer you WANT your kid to have if they were gonna get cancer”. You think that the odds have improved by 15% since 2000 and how cool that is. To be perfectly honest, I think anything under 100% sucks. And yes, there are those with MUCH worse odds and want you to know that I am NOT complaining.

Our girl is still here.
It was not easy, but yes, I have seen worse.
She lived, as do others, but so many children died.
Her chemo regimen was hard, but I have seen MUCH harder. I have also seen easier.
Our bodies are all different and how each of us handles different chemos and radiation varies.
Ashton and other leukemia kids endure 2.5-3.5 YEARS of chemo. More if they relapse. If you are a boy it is longer. If you are a higher risk it is longer.

Watch a child go through chemo. Watch your child go through it. Parents and caregivers are helpless. That helplessness is what drove me to explore complimentary options. I do think those complimentary options helped her -not all but some.

I may have shared this before but I am going to share it again. i wrote a prayer in the form of a poem when she was sleeping one day in the hospital. She was about 3 weeks into chemo. My heart was HURTING when I wrote this and gave my girl to God.

“To Ashton Elizabeth on September 30, 2000

My heart aches at your every tear
My body numbs at your every pain
I fill with fear at every dose
I fill with HOPE that it does the job
My heart leaps when I see YOU
My body lightens when I see you smile
I fill with love when I am with you
I fill with JOY when you laugh

Right now these times come and go quick
it will get better as time goes by

Only God knows why you’re filled with this cancer
I guess, with prayer, we’ll know the answer
So, I ask of Him to give my baby strength
And me too, to go the length

With her by my side, my heart is full
If he wanted her back, it’s because she is so beautiful

But I ask not only for strength
I ask to keep her
So she will be HOPE for others
For all the sick babies
Their daddies and mothers

Love Mommy”





  1. A beautiful poem and I feel your pain my daughter was older than yours when she was diagnosed and I was shocked, stunned,all of those feelings…when your child falls over you put on a plaster , you rub it better, kiss it better and all of a sudden that making it better is in someone else’s hands, someone you don’t know , that you have to trust with your child and that is an awful feeling, helplessness like you have never felt.. that you can’t make it better..and you don’t know if they yes I know how you feel but we have to stay strong don’t we? We have to hope and trust in God…what else can we do? 🙂

    • Yes! I had to have God in my life, especially then. I hope yours is doing well?

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