Posted by: ME | December 7, 2011

Put one foot in front of the other………

Ok, so the name on this post is from a Chrstmas movie I just watched. Can you guess which one? It’s one of my holiday favorites, yet not played as often as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer or How the Grinch Stole Christmas(more of  my favorites!).

It’s also about how we have handled each step of this move to central Florida.

One thing I thank God for is homeschooling. I truly belive that if we didn’t homeschool and I had to adjust my kids into a new school situation mid year, it would have been catastrophic to the girls and to Paul(with every tear from missing HOME, he took to heart and busted his arse to make us happy). One can argue that it’s may have made it easier-automatic TONS of stuff to do and people everywhere, but I do not think that would’ve worked well in our case. Maybe I am crazy.

Oh wait. I AM crazy, I homeschool. Nevermind then.

One thing that I have been taking really tiny baby steps with is our church life. We had jumped into it full force head in when we first moved here. I am now gun-shy. We have finally settled on a church and now the kids are in youth group there. Youth group at STUMC would have been something I completely trusted and planned on being involved a bit in. I trusted the other moms there and never saw reason to worry about it like I had heard about some youth groups. You know, the youth groups that aren’t so “churchy” that you hear about? After hearing this I really started paying attention to STUMC youth group happenings and Paul and I felt perfectly at ease with it, knowing we’d have our feet in there somehow. Now that God has changed our plans and moved us to a new place, we are getting to know and keeping our ears open about this youth group.

Recently, a friend and I were told that the youth people are looking for someone to help plan thier weekly meetings. It would be a commitment of 2 nights per week half hour away(cuz that is where the church is). Part of me wants to jump in and a big part of me wants to shy away and continue spending this time with a couple friends. We have been having coffee or shop while the kids were at youth group meetings. The youth group also does a lot of outreach. Ok, so this IS good for them, but part of me wants them to do it and a bigger part of me thinks about all of our time we love giving at GKTW Village as our outreach. You may think I am crazy again, but I am not totally for outreach that involves raising money unless it is for a mission trip. NOT a youth camp. A real mission trip. Plus, my kids will not go unless I am there with them, and the church we are going to doesn’t know us that well, yet.  I also don’t think I am allowing it very wel, thoughl. You see, I am totally against change. It keeps happening and I hate it. I TRULY know this is why God keeps allowing change in my life. And I buck it.

Over the years I have learned how to deal with change the best way I can. Avoiding. Putting my foot down. Making my mark. Sometimes being a little mean along the way. Hanging on to things I love that are no longer in my life on a daily basis.

There are a few things in my life that WILL NEVER CHANGE;

  • I love New Orleans and SE Louisiana. I love the Northshore where we raised our kids until they were 10 and 12. I’d go back in one heartbeat if God ever brought us back to Louisiana. I brought Haley home there. Ashton was healed there. Gabbi is there. My parents and family are there. It’s where I am from, my HOMEbase.
  • I will never let go of certain friendships made in a couple of my neighbors, St Timothy UMC or NHEA homeschool group. I had such powerful spiritual coverage there.  I feel the connection, no matter how long or far away we are, will always be there. Even if we don’t talk regularly, that love/friendship was and is real.
  • NOT least, but the ONE thing that doesn’t ever change and this is SO comforting to me, is Jesus. He is always a constant, no matter when and where we are. No matter what storms we are riding through or succumbing to, He is there with us. Jesus has gotten us through all of the unwanted changes in my life, in our lives.

I am really starting to understand the ‘whole picture’- what it is at this moment anyway. It WILL change again. At this moment, my family has one flip-flop in Louisiana and one flip-flop in Florida. This is a struggle of a straddle! The fact is that I am totally unwilling to take my foot out of Louisiana. Just ain’t happening. Another fact is that we are IN Florida. It’s kinda hard to live without your two feet where you are. I am going to have to trade you that foot for the peices of my heart left there. I am trying to LIVE here. We are cultivating friendships and navigating the new waters of our lives here. Do I like it? Yes.  Do I love it? No. I am fearfuly hoping that one day we will love it.

God says we are to bloom where we are planted. I think I am gun-shy because I jumped so many times when we first moved here and over time, it didn’t seem to work out like I thought it should have. I am also scared to jump in to church and youth because I am SO confused about my personal path. If I jump in, will I drown in “too much” when I have had(the first year) and now I’m struggling to gain more time at home. I loved that about the first year here. No commitments, or few commitments. We all bonded so tightly that year, but maybe that was just a season. We clung to each other because there was no one else. I also struggle with when and in what situations it is okay to let go and let God.

See? I am slow to hop on the boat of change that is inevitable!

All I am learning right now is this- It’s really hard to let go of things you love, to turn around and learn to love something else. I don’t think there is a right or wrong, either.

This NOT the version that I wanted. I wanted the real version of it, but this has the beginning  part I thought kinda went. I don’t think I am bad or good but I am saved!


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